Its not that SERIOUS!!!

Yo… its Christmas once again…

...the freshers (i just got back kids)

the oldies (we run this town)

the old coots (we old but we young at heart)...

everyone will be out! 

but is it just me or is the clubbing experience in Lagos gradually going to hell…

I mean I understand it’s a club and all and that people are supposed to be there… 

and yes they are supposed to be drinking… 

now I have to be honest… 

there aren’t that many options out there and the few that will pass 

are so overcrowded that it’s a fire hazard.

I mean why would I want to be shoulder to shoulder with people I don’t know?…  

maybe the opportunity to sneak in accidental kisses or “cop a feel” from an unsuspecting female is enough of an incentive to be there but seriously… 

is it really that serious?

outside the club there are people scattered all over the place… 

some trying to get in, some trying to get out others just trying to get laid… 

when you finally make your way into the club, 

your hit with that very still, heavy, stinky wall of air mixed with thick smoke 

in a room or space with little or no ventilation… 

people moving around in drones as if under the ever generous spell of intoxication.

Let’s not talk about the illusive idea of that one “special” space in the corner 

that keeps getting biggeras clubs spring up daily… 

I am talking about the little room in the back labeled VIP. 

What horse shit… 

what criteria does one have to meet to be welcomed to the clique of the Very Important People? 

I ask that to say this… 

there is nothing important about half the people in that room… 

including myself… I mean the hell do I do?... 

oh yeah… spend money; and guess what… 

so does half of Lagos state.

I was out one Friday night… 

started off at a place called Greenwich somewhere in V.I. 

this was the first for me and I was quite happy with what I saw… 

chill night, good crowd… the music tho… a little different 

but I got over that soon as the henny made its way into my system. 

It wasn't overcrowded, the music wasn't irritatingly loud, 

you could actually see through to the other end of the room. 

I mean you could actually talk to the person next to you and dance without being intrusive. 

This was a nice place to be… maybe just for that night though… 

might be different the next time I find myself there.

From there we made our way to Likwid… 

there was a debate about where to go though… 

this was between Likwid and SIP… 

hmmm not a big fan of both places…SIP on Fridays… 

at some point was a no no for me… 

would rather experiment slitting my wrist with a tea-spoon… (that’s changed now) 

get there early and you will have a blast! 

Likwid on the other hand… OMG!!! Don’t know about other nights... 

but that night was a mess… 

crowded, hot, sticky… I really don’t know how people do this… 

you walk in there and you wonder if everyone is ok… 

how do you have fun in such a place? 

I mean… it is HOT and dank! 

And the Christmas rush has just started… 

I think I will return to my haven… DeMarquee… if I really have to be out.

But really… I think I know what I will be doing this Christmas season… chilling with friends 

at a bar or the house with enough food, drinks and good convo.

Its really not that Serious.

*please note that this is not an ad/promo or whatever for any of the clubs mentioned in this write up… its just an opinion and should be treated as such*

The Perfect Breakup is...

 

The break up…

we were once love birds… and one day shit went south…

we are not even sure why, but we just know we can't even agree to disagree;

we can't stand being next to each other and all of a sudden

we start to weigh our options.
 

Do I lay it on him/her nice and easy?
 

Do I just coast and let him/her figure out where we headed?
 

Do I scar him or her? I mean do something so evil he/she remembers me for the rest of their miserable life?
(well at least you hope they miserable)
 

Well the greatest mistake you would make is seek advice from your friend… because they will want to own your quarrel and act out all the things they can’t do in their relationship. Keep it clean…
 

Just incase you are wondering… there is a guideline of “don’ts” below:
 

Don’t break up with your Significant other before 9.55am on an environmental Saturday if you live in lagos or abuja, its guaranteed that if you do it by 7am, some1 is going to get arrested.
 

Don’t just hope that your Significant other drops dead so you wont have to break up with him/her.
 

 Don’t outsource or delegate the task to anyone especially your pastor, spouse or kids. Spouse? (imagine sending your spouse to go breakup with you fling/girlfriend/boyfriend… that would be too funny) if you tried it before please share with us…
 

Don’t totally ignore the person and hope he/she figures it out when he/she sees you are engaged to some other person on facebook or in some extreme cases buys a porn dvd with you front and center (true story)
 

Don’t put it in writing – no emails, no text messages…and sure as hell no letters, you cant leave a paper trail of your meanness
 

Don’t do it during sex, its just confusing and may be mistaken for dirty talk
 

Don’t destroy anything in the house or burn any ones clothes except you wont be the one to clean it up and you are sure there is no way you will end up paying.
 

Don’t do it in person if you are dating a karate, WWE or gidibo champion.
 

Don’t get immigration to do it for you, when you know that red/blue passport was the reason you hooked up anyways
 

Don’t do it while drinking, you can drink for courage but make sure the other person is sober
 

Don’t do it repeatedly with the same person, its confuses ALL OF US, how would we mind your business when we don’t know what weekend you guys are together
 

Public break ups are embarrassing for everyone. Don’t do it except of course, he/she is a gidibo champion that doesn’t have a phone. (because the brushing will be epic at home)
 

There is no time or place that will be appropriate but then if you are not together anyways,

 

WHO GIVES A FUCK HOW YOU BROKE UP.

  

Written by @mizchiomz for BT



Will you marry me?...

I think it is amazing that women tell you exactly how they want to be proposed to… 

I mean for us guys we really couldn't be fucked… 

just give us a yes or no answer and/or take or refuse the damn ring and  we will be on our way. 

And please NO as an answer is never cool.

Now if for some weird reason, if you don’t see your relationship ending in a YES… 

I think you should let the dude know… 

dude be walking around like he found him a dime piece that love him to death… 

I mean he already making plans with friends on what kinda ring to buy and all. 

Prior to this, chick prolly gassing him up about her dream wedding proposal or whatever its called 

and you got a nigga jumping through hoops to make sure your happy with his delivery… 

and on the d-day… 

you hit him with the… No. 

or I have to think about it…

Really?!

I think the NO is better… 

cos if I might impolitely ask…

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE TO THINK ABOUT?

Dude would have died like 5 times before you give him an answer 

and to be honest a guy that actually waits for you to decide… 

is either a pussy or has something sinister planned for you 

and in your own best interest… u better tell him NO! 

cos shit might just get really real!

I read something on yahoo the other day… 

about some dude that proposed to his girl during a game…

He took it away… I mean… the question popped up on the screen… talkn’ bout

“Whatever her name” is will you marry me?… 

dude got on his knees, in-front of people in the arena and peeps at home and got the NO! for an answer.

Now that’s a bad situation to be in… 

but guess what… I blame the dude.

Guys before you go doing some dumb shit… 

be sure who your with. 

Better still don’t!

You want to propose?... give her a ring in your room… 

none of that restaurant, during a game type bullshit. 

Unless you are sure… and even at that, why would you want that much attention?

Bottom line is lets act like we got some HOTDAMN SENSE 

and be realistic about our demands and expectations. 

All these damn romantic movies got people twisted. 

Its called a movie for a reason so let’s leave that shit at the cinema. 

Just Do It

There are major differences between men and women… 

I mean I don’t think I need to go into all that… but fact, is these differences are glaring.

Look at boy and girl relations… 

when we (men) start the chase…

 the chick is always on some bullshit… 

I mean waiting for you to either put the final nail in your coffin 

or sweep them off they feet… 

I mean with a woman there is always work to do. 

Well I can’t really blame them not like we back in the cave-man era where it was… 

“thonk… drag… straff…” 

well I am assuming this was how it was done then until 

cave-men started fighting for their property… 

and the woman as usual is the ultimate prize and pride of a man…

I digress…

Anyways, women want men to do shit they are not used to, 

please do not be confused… 

we will do them… 

the problem is when we stop you say we have changed… 

lets break this down… 

we started talking to you… (for the most part) 

if you just said yes we won’t need to change in order to impress or woo you 

and it won’t lead to the most famous line in the statement in the world 

“you have changed… you stopped doing the things that you used to” 

well… I won’t call it change… 

I will call it reverting to the original state of existence. 

Women love to talk… talk about the day, and shit that happened and all that good stuff… 

men do not really like to talk… if we do it better be relevant.

Yesterday I was with a married couple… 

heading to a meeting with the husband and I had to drop the wife at her office… 

ok… the ride was smooth… 

but damn his wife could not be quiet and you could tell that homeboi didn’t feel like talking… 

she talking bout shit that don’t even matter… 

her sister and her husband… 

the water leaking from the roof of the boy’s quarters in her father’s house… 

I almost lost it… truth is as men we do not have a choice… 

women like to talk about all kinda shit… 

they just need to know that you are a part of whatever they are going through. 

I have always been bad at this though… because to be honest… 

[pause]

You must give it up to the woman though… she won’t leave or switch up her feelings; 

she will adjust, and for the most part welcome what you have turned into or reverted to…

But there is another problem that might stir-up… 

women for the most part once they “lock down” a dude… they let go… talking about 

OUT THE WINDOW

Walking around a nigga crib like u just escaped being beaten by some cave-man… 

I mean WTF?! 

What the hell we posed to do with that ish!!! 

And the minute we not in the mood to be around the house you get to nagging… 

for the most part you are in control of that relationship… 

your vibe and your appearance is what motivates  a us… 

trust me if you look 10/10 for the most part he will be all over you. 

(unless you wore him out already)

and they definitely want to be around you all the time...

On the other hand as soon as men get with that girl they been wanting… 

they relax and can be withdrawn… 

this is when the woman wants to see more of you 

and you are busy making up excuses all over the place… 

talking bout I am really busy this week… nigga doing what?!! 

When you were on her ass like white on rice you had all the time in the world and now that she yours, 

you can’t spare a couple hours in your day… ok… 

watch another nigga slide in… 

and guess who going to be wearing the stupid face…  

Fact is, our potential differences are what make us need each other… 

I mean a man is willing to sit in a place and if he is not disturbed… 

would probably be there for the rest of his life… but when a woman is introduced into the equation… 

she starts to make plans for both of you. 

This can be very annoying but please indulge her, 

you might just enjoy it and guess what… 

when you are done you have earned the right to be left alone 

or won the key to the ultimate sex vault… 

I choose the second.

on that note i leave you with a skit from Llyod's Playboy Diaries...

The Chef's In the Kitchen

There is something that happens when you’re listening to a track that speaks to you

 in more languages than you care to decipher. 

Various instrumentals blending to give that perfect symphony… 

at the same time making it clear to you that individually they are useless for the purpose of the song.

The heavy base drums that keep track of the rhythm, help regulate the track timing 

and helps keep the artiste in check. 

The marriage of these instruments make us move and have particular tracks on repeat.

Some artistes do this easily and for some part successfully. 

Nigerian artistes are of a different breed. They understand their crowd…

 they know who they singing to… 

drunk with club bangers, it is hard to make a CD with Nigerian tracks and expect that 

you can drive like a normal person… 

everything is heavy and noisy with the clash of instruments sounding like what you expect to hear if the Krackin was picking its teeth with a rock.

But once in a while… 

a hero comes along and proceeds to give us what we have been waiting for. 

I can’t put in words my excitement when I hear Nigerian tracks I can chill to… 

not feeling the need to know how to AZONTO and the pressure that comes with doing it well.

Recently a track was sent to me, was a little worried at first… 

cos I do have a thing for honesty… 

but hey I cast my fears aside and jumped it. 

No rope, life jacket or a plank… 

like that monkey in the titanic movie that gave his plank to a woman that survived, got married, 

had wild sex-capades and kids… I think… 

I digress

Anyways to my surprise it was a remix of an older track that I really liked… this time 2face was on it… lending his unmistakable vocals to the track. 

PRE (pretty, rude & entertaining) did his thing… 

He puts his essence in everything he does and he spared nothing on this track.

with a beat was produced by Leric… its hard to go wrong...

The fuse between hop-hop and afro beat on this track is something to be proud of; 

forever engaging.

Listen to the track here…

..........................................................................................................................................................

P.R.E FT 2FACE - TAKE IT UP (TAKE IT DOWN REMIX)

The Rubbish Called Music

The past couple weeks some serious tracks have hit the airwaves… 

as much as I might not be as up-to-date as I used to be… I still know good music when I hear it. 

And yes there have been some bullshit track flying around.

The Nigerian music scene is a very peculiar one. 

We love beats… complicated or simple… don’t matter to nobody. 

Content and delivery… practically non-existent. 

You find that for the most part Nigerian songs are purely made to entertain, 

its like listening to a comedy show recorded on a cd. 

Everything they say is funny or tries to be, no imagination in content delivery.

I mean what is “kako be chicken” how does that relate to anything? 

Then while ur trying to swallow that they hit you with 

“kako be kpako”. 

Translation: stand/pose like chicken… stand/pose like stick… 

or something like that…I mean… really? 

The song is funny and it is guaranteed to get you moving somehow… 

even if you tried your best not to move… your eyes will probably start twitching to the beat.

The truth is… this is what the Nigerian people want and these musicians are just playing to their tune… 

it has made them lazy and very predictable. 

I don’t even care to go into calling names today… 

can’t have people hunting me down…

well that would be to their own disappointment

I am basically interested in the artistes that understand that content still matters, 

the rappers that understand that the right word play is still captivating and still have people ohhh-ing and what-ing?! when they hear something crazy.

well my personal list if I ever had one will include these artistes; not in any particular order:

M.I. – word play, punch lines, delivery…

Flavor – high-life is timeless… all his tracks are relevant.

Mode9 – insane delivery and punchlines

PRE – punchlines, flow, vocals, good ear for beats. Nothing basic about this dude! First 3-D Music video

SauceKid – SINZU!!!! U know what it is… mad flow and punchlines… also got the attitude

BurnaBoy – fresh, good vocal and punchlines when necessary 

2Face – 2BABA!!!!... NEED I SAY MORE

Jesse Jags – beat guru, good ear for music, delivers on any track

Vector – punchline and metaphor doctor, just what the rap industry prescribed. Dude can flow for days.

Naeto C – smooth, laid back flow, engaging  

brymo – ahh! the son of a carpenter… this nigga here.. perfect blend of old vocals and words with new sound

Phenom – good energy, punchlines

Phyno – I hope I spelt it correctly… solid flow no matter the language he speaking

loose Kaynon – got some hard lines… he had to be on this

Yung Six – intelligent rap, voice is not too great but it works

All the dudes on Illegal Music 2 – I don’t know where M.I. got them from… but they delivered.

I know there are some peeps I left out or forgot… you guys will be alright… up your game and leave an impression. 

 

Love this track!

Burna Boy ft PRE – ph-london-paris

For the Living

My day started like any other Saturday will… very basic day… wake up, look for food. Find it, eat it and head back to bed.

Fortunately, I was spared the completion of this mundane, 

boring ass repetition of a day when I remembered had beach paroles… 

boy was I happy? 

I mean I had thought about it earlier in the morning and it just seemed like long things… coupled with the drinking from the night before… 

the boy was feeling lazy.

Anyways I made it to the meeting point… 

and everyone was excited at the prospects of a private beach house, food, drinks, quads, music etc… 

as we waited for the boats to arrive… 

I cracked open a bottle of brandy and started early… 

bad idea.

Getting on that boat… wow!... 

yeah I have a fear for water… 

unless its in a bath-tub or in a bottle.

Anyways the rest is history… the day went as expected… 

CRUNK!!!

BARBARIC!!!

this weekend was fun... my boy got married!!! yay!!! 

we had alot to drink... yay!!!

a lot of wedding craziness... yay!!!

all this was good until i heard the news...

4 young men were beaten to death in Port Harcourt

it is hard to believe that in 2012, we still have some savages living among us

how do you justify beating a person to death...

maybe its just me but i say that is pure madness.

i dont even know what to make of the fuck-tards that stood by and watched the shit happen

lets not talk about the imbecile that had the time to record the shameful thing.

it is a little hard to swallow and all i can say is that there are more things

to concern yourself with than watching retards or a retard as the case may be 

beat someone to death.

i mean what is the world coming to... 

if these fools were alive during the times of the vikings or gladiators i am sure their balls will shrink

as soon as they step into the arena. 

ok... they are dead now... does anyone know if they did it or not?

will we ever know? the dead cant talk can they?

this is inhumane and the people caught on that video, watching, chanting and or actively delivering blows

should not be considered human and anywhere they are found they should be locked up 

and keys thrown away. 

i mean if they stole... so what? a couple iPhones and laptops... really? 

they deserve to die for that? 

there are people in Government that are cleaning out this country and you guys are sitting on you hands.

come out and fight... all of a sudden your PUSSY?!

now lets talk about this epidemic called the smart phone...

bbm... whatsapp and the rest of the social networking tools

that allow for shit like this to become viral. 

i would expect that this kind of recording be used in an investigation 

and not be turned into an internet or bbm spectacle. 

these are people, sons, brothers and friends of people

lets be a little more sensitive
and if you have nothing important to do with your phone... put it in your pocket!

we owe it to them!
we owe it to ourselves!

i do pray that the souls of those boys do find some peace. 

that is no way for a person to go. no matter the offence. 

the Lord guide us and protect us from BARBARIANS. 

TOMORROW

why do we go through life forgetting we would be held accountable for the shit we done?

why do we think we have all the time in the world?

we believe that tomorrow is a promise... 

well only those that see tomorrow were actually promised it.

why are we petty?

why do we hold on to shit that don't matter?

why do we feel the need to prove a point?

make a point?

and put someone down by proving your right and they wrong.

why do you feel the need to annoy me?

knowing full well it irritates me.

why do we have to pretend to love eachother?

when we know between the both of us there isn't enough time in the world

to fully discuss the hate we feel for each other.

why do i pretend to stand your condescending, self absorbed ass?

when i know full well that your voice annoys me and can't wait to

be as far away from you as possible.

we all have friends we pretend to be cool with in the name of being civil. 

i mean society expects that we get along but it doesn't say anything

about the frequency... the place... or the how

i met someone recently at a get together...

as i walked in, i concluded that there was no need to get to talking or knowing anyone

later on, as much as i avoided it... i started talking... think it was the alcohol though..

as the conversation progressed we noticed that we were a lot alike and the shocker was that...

he had also decided not to be too invilved because it was a waste if time. 

and there we were swapping stories and cracking up.

imagine if we both carried out our proposed plans... 

why do we bother with the small stuff?... 

it makes us human. 

its what we do... with the little time you have, make a difference

you never know how far it will get you. 

entertain that annoying person, listen to a friend or a stranger complain or rant about something

listen to that little voice of reason.

change as many lives as possible if possible and do not ask how or why

just do it if it feels right.

as much as we do not have all the time in the world, 

or even know when we will be called to the other side...

we can still define how we pass through this earth and in that short time 

determine how people will remember us.

this is just a rant i guess... typed as it came...

might be all over the place but i hope you get it.

thanks for taking the TIME to read... 

enjoy the weekend!

yeah... its all her's

I like to surround myself with relatively smart people… I mean its only right because I cant suffer stupidity. I know someone worse than me though… I mean he cant stand stupidity for anything over a second.

Anyways, this one time… I had the opportunity to meet a someone that put my patience and interest in stupid people. I honestly didn’t believe that I listened to him talk for more than 5mins. i mean… I should have stopped him or left… the moment logic gives way and curiosity takes over.  The kick in the nuts is that this dude is actually older than I am. This nigga here had my jaw on the floor… details of the conversation follows below:

Topic: as a man why do u make money

My Answer: My comfort and the comfort of my wife and family

His Answer: for his comfort.

the argument:

This nigga here said he doesn't understand why he should work and spoil his wife or family. Basically he said it didn't matter how much money he had or made, his wife will still be on the same p… no fly car, clothes, trips and all that good stuff that women and some men like. He makes his money for himself and maybe his kids. Now if you ask me… this has to be the most retarded heap of bullshit I heard in my life.

I mean lets get something straight… as humans, most of us can adapt and don’t really need much to survive. Food, clothes and shelter; cars for the most part is luxury and for this reason… they strive to redefine mobile-luxury and we as men work hard to afford these dangling carrots. 

Why dangling carrots… 

even if you make enough money to buy them extra things… 

guess what… another on the way… 

there is no end therefore no satisfaction. 

So why do we keep trying to keep up with this madness…

Women!!!!!!!!

I mean if you think Olympics/World Cup is competitive… 

try two men fighting for the affection of one woman… 

that should actually be a competitive sport 

“Get that Girl”. 

Anyways before I digress…

What I am saying is that as men, everything we do is for her… s

ome guys will tell you its for the family…

 I ask you this, who is the family? 

The woman you call your own is the reason why u have or will have a family, 

before you won her over… I can only imagine what you did, 

the hoops you jumped, the bullets u dodged and the invisible fences you built around her, 

I mean if you had the chance you would teach her to glide and not walk… 

and to make sure she is yours you will promise all kinda shit, from holiday trips, cars to houses…

To accomplish this… your ass got to work, and when the money come through u spend on her… 

I mean… u get yourself some nice things… but she must be comfy… 

there are vultures out there and unfortunately some of them are equip to make her comfortable and 

comfort is  tempting…

I hope when you make that gwap… you take care of your woman… 

believe it or not she motivated you… her beauty or whatever u see in her kept you on your toes… 

what you see in her you don’t want any other man to ever experience… 

for this reason she has to be happy, comfortable and pampered daily.

As men we find ourselves constantly peacocking!  

trying to stay relevant to some lady friend...

That’s a lot of work by itself… believe me when I say…

ITS ALL HERS. 

I WISH A N**GA WOULD

Once I had the mis-fortune of sitting with some young friends of mine. And OMG did I hear it all that day. It was a jaw dropping evening of epic catastrophic proportions. 

The misconception that the one who controls a relationship is the

one who cares less about the relationship.

This holds true in most cases but another twist to that is… 

the one who cares less has more to lose. 

For the most part these people are selfish to unimaginable degrees… you are more worried about public perception than actually trying to figure out what you are throwing away by not caring enough.

Every young man was once like this…

 I mean, the world is yours… women in abundance, they love your company or your wallet… and one day you find one that teaches you a lesson or 2 about the dating game and the fact that there is no one like you in the world, ... there are better people though.

I mean you see people breakup and you hear the guy say to the girl “you will never find another person like me” uhmmm…  nigga… she just left your ass, 

why would she want to go back to dating someone like you again…

I mean… she could have just stayed if that was the case… just a thought.

As a man your response in that situation should be… 

“I wish you all the happiness you deserve and pray you find a great guy”

 translation 

“ I hope the next guy you meet is the devil’s incarnate, die bitch”…  

ok maybe I took that too far…

Anyways… back to my friend, this nigga here said if his friend slept with his wife… that he will still be cool with him… basically his friend helped him avoid a potential disaster. I mean his friend is pretty much allowed to conduct the “litmus test” on any girl he brings around… NIGGA!!! Do you ever want to get laid? Let’s not talk about getting to the relationship phase. I had to chunk this up to his age… why would I or any man for that matter think that it is ok for your friend to think that your girl is fair game; I mean if my friend deems it ok to holla at my girl then he obviously has no respect for me or he thinks he can do a better job at being her man. I go with the first, because if u had any respect for me and our friendship… you would not think the second unless I am a complete ass-wipe… even at that the fear of the wrath I will bestow on your existence should caution your actions.

I don’t believe in this modern day man that thinks its cool to sit back and watch shit happen, the generation that thinks it’s ok to dip your stick in any hole you see; the generation that tolerates captain-save-a-hoe… nigga just swooping in and thinking he can do better…

Try that shit with me and I WILL FUCK YOU UP!

A Weekend with CHOPBOX

 

The weekend. Not the artiste… talking bout my weekend.
quiet, chill and satisfying.
quality time spent with friends and all that good stuff...

Now to the gist of the morning,
Saturday,  as i woke from sleep, was greeted with a rumbling stomach,
this was hunger… at its very best.
tried ignoring it, figured if I just went back to sleep… it will pass

That shit held me to ransom.
Ran into the fridge and what did I find
some miserable looking half consumed loaf of bread and I was out of butter!

AND NO I DIDN'T HAVE JAM, PEANUT BUTTER, NUTELLA OR WHATEVER ELSE SOME OF YOU MIGHT BE THINKING.

A cluster-fuck of a morning in the making

anyways… my girl was on her way and I was sure she was bringing some food so hey… I waited.
as she arrived I was super stoked at the prospects of a meal that was going to be off the chain…

yeah… that was a letdown

well, I settled for some cinnamon toast crunch! (that ish the truth though)
the day went by and I was able to bare the rumble till about 3pm.
I was too lazy to make myself useful… driving to a restaurant should have been an easy solution
but I took solace in my laziness… until the hunger made it clear that it was here to stay.

we thought about ordering in and what to get became the title of a debate. It then occurred to us that the sharwarma we had the night before was the truth… look let me tell you bout this ish…

HAD ME ON PAUSE.

Won’t go into any mouth watering descriptions… that might not help me right now.
so we called CHOPBOX and they said they delivered to my house but my order had to be N3,000 or over for free delivery… shit that was easy…

Special Sharwarma, special hotdog, club sandwich... SORTED

Placed my order and the wait was on.

Let me tell you, when this food arrived… I wasn’t sure what to have first… was terribly confused until…
the first bite into the more familiar sharwarma…

I Need to place an order…
hunger is real!

chopBox… a different kind of take out…
0700-CHOP BOX, 07002467269
DELIVERY TO: IKOYI, Victoria island, LEKKI, AJAH free for orders of N3,000 and up.



The Gangster and The Gentleman

Its amazing how men tend to attribute their badmanism to how many girls they have Sacked… I am not here to judge or criticize any one or my fellow men… I mean after all I was once like that I think… but in a more mature way! (this is where u say “yeah right”).

Anyways, school was fun, had some issues with people and all what not. But I want to share with you one funny experience I had with some friends in school… at least I found it funny…

Walking down the hall one very uneventful evening… I heard some of my friends talking about girls and the issues they have with them.

The first said he can never satisfy or make his girl happy, she stay complaining; you don’t pay me any attention, you will rather chill with the boys… drink, smoke, and chat rubbish… in his words anyways. Now as we all know, this is a common problem between men and women.. . man wants more time to do manly shit, woman needs man to do couple or girly shit… well couple shit can be fun sometimes… but damn can a brother get some air?

Well all I said to him was “find that balance cos when she drops your sorry ass… I won’t be there to make you feel better” and everyone laughed.

Second dude starts off saying his girl knows too many guys and it make him uncomfortable. Now I respect his honesty because as men… we like to feel tough… like it don’t matter… we know she mine and she coming home with me. Ok… say all that is true… she definitely going home with you and all… you are the best in the sack, you rock her world today and her world tomorrow. 

Guess what, it sure as hell don’t matter.

Sometimes your woman wants to know how u feel about her and on some level might test you. I have met a couple women that change their ways because of the respect they have for their dudes… not saying you should turn a whore to a house wife or nothing… but hey u better act like u have some sense and treat her like she matter to you before she mess around and chunk your ass the deuces…. 

I think I digress…

Anyways, before she met your ass she was a person, 

she made and kept friends, male and female alike. 

Had relationships with some and there are some she couldn’t stand. 

Now she is with you. And your busy worrying about who she smiling at and who she might have or is sleeping with… there is nothing you can do bout that ish hommie… 

if it upsets you that much… please tell her. 

Trust me, that might be what she waiting for before she hits you with the “you don’t care about me line”. 

I think I digress again…

Anyways I told him to talk to his girl because to her she probably just doing what she know how to do… SOCIALIZE.

Now this was the funniest one of all… this dude talking bout all the girls he smashed and swore that they were all satisfied with his plumbing abilities. Nothing entirely wrong with that…

I mean I wasn’t there when they were sexing, can’t even start to argue.

 As soon as I said this… this dude blew a fuse…

 cussing me out and swearing he had laid more girls than I have (probably true) 

but I officially gave up when he demanded we write down the names of all the girls we had been with.

Nigga! I am Nigerian… I cannot run out of female names… 

I mean I have to exhaust the Nigerian name before I move to English names… 

I mean this list would have been long as the Nile and still won’t be done. 

I mean how the hell will he know or verify what’s true and what isn’t. 

That day I felt sorry for the world, because this boy will get married and have kids like him 

or maybe just skip the marriage part and move on to the kids section. 

Either way there are going to be some “mini-hims” running around.

Looky-here… all I am saying is, 

fellas if you love your woman or at least like her please act like you have some sense. 

Let her know. 

Yeah shit happens but its better now than later. Learn to deal.

Find that balance between being a hard man and being and man worthy of some woman’s affection. 

Its hard because it seems like doing one is like abandoning the other.

I need to take my own damn advice.

Just STOP!

Ok… I shall say this, and say it only once. There is nothing more annoying than a rapper fighting so hard to hold some claim to a rap crown (not a real crown) or street cred (the world don’t care about it). What makes it worse is your age… nigga if you old… you old.

This is why I respect the likes of rakim, ll cool j, ice cube, ice t, queen latifa, queen pen etc… others that are noticeably old and are still in the rap game like nas, jay, dr dre, talib, common, outcast etc, don’t feel the need to be loud, they just roll with the punches and have learnt to adapt and tackle the newbies with experience or hey… just sign them to your label and make some money off them.

Then you have the “tired ones” old as dirt for the most part, swear they are the greatest rappers alive (and don’t say shit). Now don’t get me wrong these set of rappers are lyrically endowed but for some reason they try too hard and end up boring the hell out of listeners… we talking bout.. krs one (this one is far gone), nelly, dmx, lil kim, … I am sure u can add to this list…

Today’s case: DMX

This nigga here… OMG! In ’98 you couldn’t tell me nothing. Get in my car and you will be welcomed by DMX barking, growling, shouting and sometimes… praying. Let’s not talk about the way the music made me drive… pedal to the floor…

Anyways I heard he was releasing a new album titled “UNDISPUTED”… after years of ups and downs; one problem or jail sentence after another he decided to settle down. Good for him.

So I figured I take a look at the track list… hmm to my surprise this dude… had 2 tracks on an album titled.... 1) What They Don’t Know... 2) Ya’ll Don’t Really Know... both produced by swizz beatz. he had another track back in the day called "you catz dont know" and another one with a chorus like "they dont know who we be" I don tire... dawg u need we KNOW! We have been with you since '98. We get it... you’re a bahd guyns... DAMN!

This was the same dude that said “when its your time to go, you go” I wish he took his own advice. Although I think he meant dying though.

I am about to listen to the album… wish me luck because I think I need it.

Not sure why I am about to do this to myself though. 

THE THOUGHT OF BEING TAUGHT

i was quite sure of a number of things growing up, i was so sure i was going to be rich,

date and marry the finest girl PERIOD!

drive the nicest cars, wont do drugs, stay away from alcohol... and all that good stuff.

fortunately or unfortunately, some i have achieved and some... lets just say it ain't that easy.

i will let some out the bag.

1- Gwap

OMG!!! growing up i was so sure that money was just handed out and thought that

it was a thing of timing... "as i get older the government or the people that share money will give me too"

shiiiit!! 

woke from that dream real fast and sleeping has posed a great difficulty. 

but the thing is that life still goes on and we try out best to make it worth living.

"to live is to suffer and to survive... 

you have to find meaning in the suffering"

- DMX

2- Women (love life/Marriage)

the movies always showed us a happy ending...

boy crushes on some girl next door, girl not quite sure what to do about it 

and as time goes by she later realizes that he is the one for her...

or

the idea that the girl next door was always an easy lay...

hmm... 

right...

it happened but wasn't always as sweet as they made it out to be

imagine if you had to see a girl u had no feelings for everyday and she felt the need to say hi

or be all close and grabby with you cos you guys are sex buddies... 

yeah that wont be cool would it? 

and to top it... she not the prettiest... 

right...

some bullshit if you ask me!!

well the truth is some people have it better than others

some people live their life like they are in a movie. 

i pray the movie never ends for your sake. 

for me, i have had a pretty decent adventure... and don't regret nuffn i done in the past.

ohh ladies... just flip it... it applies to the guys too.

3- Alcohol

ok... this ish right here is the truth.

imagine getting off work and your car ends up at the round the corner bar or joint

you sit down and the waiter walks up to you and you place your order

i am a whiskey guy so....

but for the sake of this blog alcohol will be called "kelly rowland"

but anyways you order your first glass or bottle of kelly rowland.

that first sip OMG! 

UNFUCKWITHABLE

....

I NEED A DRINK... WILL FINISH LATER