I WISH A N**GA WOULD

Once I had the mis-fortune of sitting with some young friends of mine. And OMG did I hear it all that day. It was a jaw dropping evening of epic catastrophic proportions. 

The misconception that the one who controls a relationship is the

one who cares less about the relationship.

This holds true in most cases but another twist to that is… 

the one who cares less has more to lose. 

For the most part these people are selfish to unimaginable degrees… you are more worried about public perception than actually trying to figure out what you are throwing away by not caring enough.

Every young man was once like this…

 I mean, the world is yours… women in abundance, they love your company or your wallet… and one day you find one that teaches you a lesson or 2 about the dating game and the fact that there is no one like you in the world, ... there are better people though.

I mean you see people breakup and you hear the guy say to the girl “you will never find another person like me” uhmmm…  nigga… she just left your ass, 

why would she want to go back to dating someone like you again…

I mean… she could have just stayed if that was the case… just a thought.

As a man your response in that situation should be… 

“I wish you all the happiness you deserve and pray you find a great guy”

 translation 

“ I hope the next guy you meet is the devil’s incarnate, die bitch”…  

ok maybe I took that too far…

Anyways… back to my friend, this nigga here said if his friend slept with his wife… that he will still be cool with him… basically his friend helped him avoid a potential disaster. I mean his friend is pretty much allowed to conduct the “litmus test” on any girl he brings around… NIGGA!!! Do you ever want to get laid? Let’s not talk about getting to the relationship phase. I had to chunk this up to his age… why would I or any man for that matter think that it is ok for your friend to think that your girl is fair game; I mean if my friend deems it ok to holla at my girl then he obviously has no respect for me or he thinks he can do a better job at being her man. I go with the first, because if u had any respect for me and our friendship… you would not think the second unless I am a complete ass-wipe… even at that the fear of the wrath I will bestow on your existence should caution your actions.

I don’t believe in this modern day man that thinks its cool to sit back and watch shit happen, the generation that thinks it’s ok to dip your stick in any hole you see; the generation that tolerates captain-save-a-hoe… nigga just swooping in and thinking he can do better…

Try that shit with me and I WILL FUCK YOU UP!

A Weekend with CHOPBOX

 

The weekend. Not the artiste… talking bout my weekend.
quiet, chill and satisfying.
quality time spent with friends and all that good stuff...

Now to the gist of the morning,
Saturday,  as i woke from sleep, was greeted with a rumbling stomach,
this was hunger… at its very best.
tried ignoring it, figured if I just went back to sleep… it will pass

That shit held me to ransom.
Ran into the fridge and what did I find
some miserable looking half consumed loaf of bread and I was out of butter!

AND NO I DIDN'T HAVE JAM, PEANUT BUTTER, NUTELLA OR WHATEVER ELSE SOME OF YOU MIGHT BE THINKING.

A cluster-fuck of a morning in the making

anyways… my girl was on her way and I was sure she was bringing some food so hey… I waited.
as she arrived I was super stoked at the prospects of a meal that was going to be off the chain…

yeah… that was a letdown

well, I settled for some cinnamon toast crunch! (that ish the truth though)
the day went by and I was able to bare the rumble till about 3pm.
I was too lazy to make myself useful… driving to a restaurant should have been an easy solution
but I took solace in my laziness… until the hunger made it clear that it was here to stay.

we thought about ordering in and what to get became the title of a debate. It then occurred to us that the sharwarma we had the night before was the truth… look let me tell you bout this ish…

HAD ME ON PAUSE.

Won’t go into any mouth watering descriptions… that might not help me right now.
so we called CHOPBOX and they said they delivered to my house but my order had to be N3,000 or over for free delivery… shit that was easy…

Special Sharwarma, special hotdog, club sandwich... SORTED

Placed my order and the wait was on.

Let me tell you, when this food arrived… I wasn’t sure what to have first… was terribly confused until…
the first bite into the more familiar sharwarma…

I Need to place an order…
hunger is real!

chopBox… a different kind of take out…
0700-CHOP BOX, 07002467269
DELIVERY TO: IKOYI, Victoria island, LEKKI, AJAH free for orders of N3,000 and up.



The Gangster and The Gentleman

Its amazing how men tend to attribute their badmanism to how many girls they have Sacked… I am not here to judge or criticize any one or my fellow men… I mean after all I was once like that I think… but in a more mature way! (this is where u say “yeah right”).

Anyways, school was fun, had some issues with people and all what not. But I want to share with you one funny experience I had with some friends in school… at least I found it funny…

Walking down the hall one very uneventful evening… I heard some of my friends talking about girls and the issues they have with them.

The first said he can never satisfy or make his girl happy, she stay complaining; you don’t pay me any attention, you will rather chill with the boys… drink, smoke, and chat rubbish… in his words anyways. Now as we all know, this is a common problem between men and women.. . man wants more time to do manly shit, woman needs man to do couple or girly shit… well couple shit can be fun sometimes… but damn can a brother get some air?

Well all I said to him was “find that balance cos when she drops your sorry ass… I won’t be there to make you feel better” and everyone laughed.

Second dude starts off saying his girl knows too many guys and it make him uncomfortable. Now I respect his honesty because as men… we like to feel tough… like it don’t matter… we know she mine and she coming home with me. Ok… say all that is true… she definitely going home with you and all… you are the best in the sack, you rock her world today and her world tomorrow. 

Guess what, it sure as hell don’t matter.

Sometimes your woman wants to know how u feel about her and on some level might test you. I have met a couple women that change their ways because of the respect they have for their dudes… not saying you should turn a whore to a house wife or nothing… but hey u better act like u have some sense and treat her like she matter to you before she mess around and chunk your ass the deuces…. 

I think I digress…

Anyways, before she met your ass she was a person, 

she made and kept friends, male and female alike. 

Had relationships with some and there are some she couldn’t stand. 

Now she is with you. And your busy worrying about who she smiling at and who she might have or is sleeping with… there is nothing you can do bout that ish hommie… 

if it upsets you that much… please tell her. 

Trust me, that might be what she waiting for before she hits you with the “you don’t care about me line”. 

I think I digress again…

Anyways I told him to talk to his girl because to her she probably just doing what she know how to do… SOCIALIZE.

Now this was the funniest one of all… this dude talking bout all the girls he smashed and swore that they were all satisfied with his plumbing abilities. Nothing entirely wrong with that…

I mean I wasn’t there when they were sexing, can’t even start to argue.

 As soon as I said this… this dude blew a fuse…

 cussing me out and swearing he had laid more girls than I have (probably true) 

but I officially gave up when he demanded we write down the names of all the girls we had been with.

Nigga! I am Nigerian… I cannot run out of female names… 

I mean I have to exhaust the Nigerian name before I move to English names… 

I mean this list would have been long as the Nile and still won’t be done. 

I mean how the hell will he know or verify what’s true and what isn’t. 

That day I felt sorry for the world, because this boy will get married and have kids like him 

or maybe just skip the marriage part and move on to the kids section. 

Either way there are going to be some “mini-hims” running around.

Looky-here… all I am saying is, 

fellas if you love your woman or at least like her please act like you have some sense. 

Let her know. 

Yeah shit happens but its better now than later. Learn to deal.

Find that balance between being a hard man and being and man worthy of some woman’s affection. 

Its hard because it seems like doing one is like abandoning the other.

I need to take my own damn advice.

Just STOP!

Ok… I shall say this, and say it only once. There is nothing more annoying than a rapper fighting so hard to hold some claim to a rap crown (not a real crown) or street cred (the world don’t care about it). What makes it worse is your age… nigga if you old… you old.

This is why I respect the likes of rakim, ll cool j, ice cube, ice t, queen latifa, queen pen etc… others that are noticeably old and are still in the rap game like nas, jay, dr dre, talib, common, outcast etc, don’t feel the need to be loud, they just roll with the punches and have learnt to adapt and tackle the newbies with experience or hey… just sign them to your label and make some money off them.

Then you have the “tired ones” old as dirt for the most part, swear they are the greatest rappers alive (and don’t say shit). Now don’t get me wrong these set of rappers are lyrically endowed but for some reason they try too hard and end up boring the hell out of listeners… we talking bout.. krs one (this one is far gone), nelly, dmx, lil kim, … I am sure u can add to this list…

Today’s case: DMX

This nigga here… OMG! In ’98 you couldn’t tell me nothing. Get in my car and you will be welcomed by DMX barking, growling, shouting and sometimes… praying. Let’s not talk about the way the music made me drive… pedal to the floor…

Anyways I heard he was releasing a new album titled “UNDISPUTED”… after years of ups and downs; one problem or jail sentence after another he decided to settle down. Good for him.

So I figured I take a look at the track list… hmm to my surprise this dude… had 2 tracks on an album titled.... 1) What They Don’t Know... 2) Ya’ll Don’t Really Know... both produced by swizz beatz. he had another track back in the day called "you catz dont know" and another one with a chorus like "they dont know who we be" I don tire... dawg u need we KNOW! We have been with you since '98. We get it... you’re a bahd guyns... DAMN!

This was the same dude that said “when its your time to go, you go” I wish he took his own advice. Although I think he meant dying though.

I am about to listen to the album… wish me luck because I think I need it.

Not sure why I am about to do this to myself though. 

THE THOUGHT OF BEING TAUGHT

i was quite sure of a number of things growing up, i was so sure i was going to be rich,

date and marry the finest girl PERIOD!

drive the nicest cars, wont do drugs, stay away from alcohol... and all that good stuff.

fortunately or unfortunately, some i have achieved and some... lets just say it ain't that easy.

i will let some out the bag.

1- Gwap

OMG!!! growing up i was so sure that money was just handed out and thought that

it was a thing of timing... "as i get older the government or the people that share money will give me too"

shiiiit!! 

woke from that dream real fast and sleeping has posed a great difficulty. 

but the thing is that life still goes on and we try out best to make it worth living.

"to live is to suffer and to survive... 

you have to find meaning in the suffering"

- DMX

2- Women (love life/Marriage)

the movies always showed us a happy ending...

boy crushes on some girl next door, girl not quite sure what to do about it 

and as time goes by she later realizes that he is the one for her...

or

the idea that the girl next door was always an easy lay...

hmm... 

right...

it happened but wasn't always as sweet as they made it out to be

imagine if you had to see a girl u had no feelings for everyday and she felt the need to say hi

or be all close and grabby with you cos you guys are sex buddies... 

yeah that wont be cool would it? 

and to top it... she not the prettiest... 

right...

some bullshit if you ask me!!

well the truth is some people have it better than others

some people live their life like they are in a movie. 

i pray the movie never ends for your sake. 

for me, i have had a pretty decent adventure... and don't regret nuffn i done in the past.

ohh ladies... just flip it... it applies to the guys too.

3- Alcohol

ok... this ish right here is the truth.

imagine getting off work and your car ends up at the round the corner bar or joint

you sit down and the waiter walks up to you and you place your order

i am a whiskey guy so....

but for the sake of this blog alcohol will be called "kelly rowland"

but anyways you order your first glass or bottle of kelly rowland.

that first sip OMG! 

UNFUCKWITHABLE

....

I NEED A DRINK... WILL FINISH LATER